The past few months have been quite difficult for me to stay motivated. At work and home, I find myself becoming more and more depressed due to many factors, professionally and personally. I think it all started during my time in the Peace Corps last year. I was having depression and anxiety issues around the work culture and issues at my site. This led to my wife and I eventually leaving Peace Corps and coming home earlier than expected.
After much therapy and healing time, I thought I was over it. I felt better, I was getting back on my feet and the heavy, foggy, weighed down feeling of depression was lifting. And then I started work in the federal government and those crushing feelings came back. The feeling of sloth, of weight on my shoulders, of anxiety nearly paralyzing me. I was trying to deal and cope until I found myself crying one afternoon in my cube and knew it had gone on long enough.
I’ve never been one to have depression issues or need medication to stay level. Heck, I come from the disaster management field where high stress is the norm. However, over the last year, I find stress to be really stressful. It is something that I am dealing with differently now and I am learning how to cope with a whole new set of problems. For instance, finding motivation to go to the shop after work has been hard the past 2 months. I used to go all the time, but I have trailed off lately. Sometimes I feel so tired and down after work, I need to come home and lay on the couch and not move for an hour. My brain needs more time to recover and that in turn manifests physically and affects my muscle disease making me more tired and lethargic.
All this to say that my coping mechanisms have changed. I can no longer just assume that I will be going in to the shop, I need to force myself. I have put off projects due to the fear and anxiety of not making them great, but when I have just forced myself into the shop to start the project, the fears recede and the fun and joy return. I just finished up the restoration on a 1960’s typewriter table. I have been sitting on this project for 3 months. Forcing myself to put the materials in the car and promising myself that I will take them into the shop after work was a very scary thing. Once I got my hands into it though and started grooving, I felt like myself again and the project came out great.
Stress, anxiety, fear, these are all things we deal with differently. Forcing myself to just start a project until I get into a grove has worked so far for me but won’t always work for everyone. I’d love to hear what works for you so that we can help each other to stay proactive and motivated despite our lethargic feelings and various issues.
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Thanks for reading!